Remember Every Scar
by Baby You're My Immortal
Summary: ALL HUMAN! Rose is returning to college after her breakup with Dimitri. The friendship group is torn and she's unable to escape him in college. He's everywhere she turns and she can only run away from the reality that she's still in love with him for so long. How will she be able to get over him and keep her friends close or is she facing the inevitability of loving him forever?
1. Chapter 1

**Remember Every Scar**

 **I'm back! I've removed any story on here that I hadn't finished because they demotivated the hell out of me, but I'm giving it another go with yet another all human VA fic! I hope you all enjoy the first chapter and reviews would be greatly appreciated so I know if I'm any good anymore ;)**

 **Lyric: Hold on to that heartbreak, hold on to that hell you have to pay**

Chapter One

" _You have to do what makes you happy and unfortunately that isn't you anymore."_

I'd had those words stuck in my head since the day Dimitri had voiced them to me two months ago just before we left college. Every morning I woke up and replayed the conversation that had left me feeling so broken and every morning I felt just as shitty about it as I had at the beginning.

I didn't for one second believe he had done it to deliberately hurt me, but I was so angry at him for doing it in the first place that I couldn't see past any of that and all I saw was the unquestionable need to make him hurt just as much as I had. And I hated that. I hated the person I had become over the summer. I had never realised just how much it could hurt to lose everything that had made you so vulnerable in the first place.

I hadn't even wanted the relationship to begin with. I had said no countless times to the boy, yet he had persevered until I had said yes. He turned me into a whole new person. I wanted the soppy stuff, I wanted to feel loved by another, I became dependent and that only left me open to getting so hurt by him. In the end I had needed him more than he had ever needed them and that was why I hated him more than words could express. Why had he let me fall so deeply in love with him when he could turn his feelings off for me as quick as blowing a candle out?

I was already regretting today before it had even started because I knew I would see him for the first time since the breakup. We were going into our last year of college and back into the same friendship groups that had seemed so perfect last year when we were all happy to be in each other's company. I couldn't possible imagine anything closer to hell at this point.

"I know you're awake and you're coming to college" A voice said from my open doorway and I knew exactly who it was before I had even turned round. My mother had allowed Lissa in and that meant there was no way in hell I was going to manage to skip the first day because she was adamant I was being a drama queen and that I needed to step out into the world and face this head on as thought the very thought of it wasn't ripping my heart to shreds.

"Lissa, for once can you just let me be weak and lie in bed with a movie and a bottle of vodka?" I groaned into my pillow before whipping round to face her and shooting her with an accusing stare that she simply shrugged off.

"Are you kidding me?" Her voice showed nothing but mild annoyance over my behaviour and that only served in irritating me further. "You don't even like vodka. Get out of bed and get your arse in the passenger seat because we're going to college. If you don't I'll Dimitri just how much you love him and want him back."

And with those words, I was out of bed and striding straight over to Lissa. I could see a flicker of fear in her eyes, but she quickly pushed that deep down and regained her cool and collected demeanour. She hadn't seen me like this in a long time, it was like a I was a teenager just going through puberty all over again: emotions were hectic, I didn't know who I was, what I stood for. It was like I was trying to find myself all over again and for a girl who had always been pretty scathing, that was a weird turn of events.

"That's not funny and you know it" I muttered, grabbing my hoodie from my wardrobe and pulling it over my head.

"I never said it was funny" She retorted, walking out of the room and leaving me to follow behind her to her car. "You just can't live your life hiding away from what's happened. You spent the last two months doing that and I'm not letting it go on for a second longer."

I knew where she was coming from I really did, but it was just like how I felt about Dimitri. I couldn't see past anything other than my own feelings. I was angry at her for not letting me wallow like I had wanted to. There were just moments when I wanted nothing more than to sit in my room and just be alone. This was beginning to feel like one of those moments.

Almost as soon as the doors had closed in the car and Lissa had pulled off my driveway, she began working extra hard to make things feel like normal. She shifted the car into fourth gear and I felt us speed up, her mouth practically matching the speed of the car as she talked a mile a minute about all of her plans this year and how great her night was with Christian.

"So Christian came to mine last night and he brought a bunch of roses just because" the smile on her face was anything but fake and I wanted to be happy for her, but I just couldn't summon up the energy to do so. "He said he wants us to go on holiday together this year we're just trying to pick a place. Where do you think would be best? We were thinking either Florida or Italy."

"Italy, Christian would look like a prick in a Mickie Mouse hat roaming Disneyland" was all I said. The line should have been delivered with a good old Rose Hathaway grin to show I was just joking, but all that met me was a dead pan silence and I began to feel as though I wasn't even joking in the slightest.

Lissa halted for only a minute before launching in to her next story about how excited she was to study English Literature this year. I had never been more grateful to see our college rolling in to view and how satisfying it was for the engine to be turned off and to get out of this prison car that was filled with forced happiness.

It felt strange to be walking back into the building that I'd had some of my best times in last year. I had enjoyed college and now I felt like this was the worst place I could be in. I knew exactly what it held. Dimitri.

We walked through the doors and Lissa was swept into a hug almost immediately by Christian and I felt everything around me grow cold and the hairs on my arms stood on end. This was it. Lissa would be the one in a relationship and I would be the one to be standing courtside wondering what it must be like. It was embarrassing to admit but I wanted my best friend back. If I was single, I wanted her to be too. If that made me a bad friend, so be it.

"How's it going, Rose?" Christian asked. It felt weird to have him be nice to me and I knew exactly why he was doing it. He was treating me as though I was fragile. It was as though he thought an insult from him might push me over the edge. "I didn't see you all summer."

"Yeah, I was super busy having a pity party for myself" I replied with a fake smile "cut the sympathy, Ozera it doesn't suit you." Lissa gave a disapproving shake of her head as Christian's face split into a grin that made me feel as though one friendship may be salvaged.

"Oh good because it was really straining my face to act this concerned" Christian sighed with a sloppy smile he never really showed often. "Seriously though, you good?" I had never really seen this side of Christian before that was a genuine care for others except when he was talking about Lissa and, even then, he never let it show often.

"I've got to be" I sighed as I raised my shoulders in a shrug and I felt just how heavy the world around me was. "I can't spend the rest of my life wondering what's going on in Dimitri's head." Again, I knew the words I was saying were true but I just couldn't put them into practice.

"Well, I'm glad you've figured that out" Christian nodded as he chewed his lip nervously and I knew what his next words were going to be before he even got them out of his mouth. "Be prepared to implement that because Dimitri's coming over in 5, 4, 3, 2…"

"Hey" and my heart melted the second I heard his voice. My eyes stayed fixed on Christian, refusing to turn around and make eye contact with Dimitri. I could feel him stood behind me. He was so close, if I just turned round I could be in his arms. But I couldn't…because I didn't make him happy anymore.

"What's up?" Christian began, moving to the side to make some room for Dimitri to squeeze in our small group and he came in to vision. My eyes met the floor and all I could see was Dimitri's shoes. I couldn't do this. I was falling in love with him all over again and he couldn't care less.

"Not much, still feel ill off last week" Dimitri chuckled and my heart both swelled and shattered at the same time. The sound that emanated from Dimitri was beautiful. I missed being the one to make him laugh like that. It had been so easy, so fulfilling and I knew it was never going to go back to that. No matter how much I tried there was just too much water under the bridge and there was simply nothing I could do about that now. And then I realised what his words meant. The group had been hanging out without me all summer. I knew where they would have gone. They'd have gone to Black Creek that had always been our usual hang out spot. We had always been concealed under heavy trees and no one could hear the music we were blaring and the police never knew that there were underage kids drinking there. They had gone without me.

That meant they had taken Dimitri's side. Everyone knew that when a power couple split up all of their friends had to choose one of them to remain friends with. That was just the rule. It was made clear to me that everyone had chosen his friendship. After all, his winning personality and charm had made him a hit with everyone in college. I, on the other hand, was the bitch who their friend just happened to fall in love with.

"That night was crazy" Christian laughed as the bell sounded loudly to notify us to make our way to assembly. "Let's enter hell." The group began to walk towards the assembly hall and I noticed for the first time that Dimitri was staring at me.

"Rose" he nodded in acknowledgement and all I could do was walk away without saying anything. It was done. I had claimed the start of war from my actions. Dimitri now knew that I was not okay with him and all of the bullshit excuses of 'we'll still be friends' were over. Our acceptable break up had now turned hostile and I was completely to blame.

 **Okay, so that's the first chapter! Don't worry, it won't be Rose feeling sorry for herself for the whole story this is just an introduction really! Let me know what you think please**

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 **Links can also be found on my profile, thanks for reading!**

 **Baby You're My Immortal**


	2. Chapter 2

**Remember Every Scar**

 **The next chapter is here and I didn't take a year to upload it so be proud! Thank you so much to anyone who read the first chapter and took the time to express interest that was wonderful of you and I hope you all enjoy this chapter too!**

 **Lyric: Too many people to ache over**

Chapter Two

The day had gone by with relatively no problems due to how busy everyone had been. It was the first day back and we had been absolutely slaughtered with the amount of assignments we had all been given and so any free lessons we had were spent either in the library or at a desk in empty classrooms with our heads down and our pens scribbling furiously.

There simply hadn't been the time to be angry or upset about the situation and I hadn't seen Dimitri once since this morning and that was a blessing in itself. I didn't want to face him because I was ashamed of how childish I had acted and that was not who I wanted to be. I was never the bitter type, and I knew how disappointed he would be in me for doing what I did, but that didn't mean I was able to shake the devil on my shoulder that kept telling me to keep doing it.

A scratching tore me from thoughts and I found that I had been joined by Dimitri himself at the computer next to mine. He said absolutely nothing to me. He simply logged onto the computer and began typing away as though he wasn't sitting right next to his ex-girlfriend. And all I could do was stare at him with my mouth open.

One million thoughts went racing through my head, yet not one of them made any sense to me. What the hell was he playing at? Slowly, I turned away and typed a few words on my document that I knew weren't going to be any good I just needed to do something with my hands that wasn't slapping him.

He coughed and I looked at him once more and, just like that, he turned to face me and I found myself looking straight into the eyes of the man I both loved and hated. I hadn't seen that face in two months and I hadn't realised just how much I truly missed it. He looked at me with an intensity I could barely handle, yet I knew he wasn't looking at me with fondness or love. He was staring at me with utter anger and annoyance. Just like that I regretted ever walking away from him this morning. It had hurt him. He had wanted to be my friend still and yet I just threw it all back in his face.

A part of me felt guilty for how I had made him feel, yet another part of me was annoyed that he believed he had the right to feel sad about it. If he hadn't made his decision, we would still be together. He had this coming for him.

"Are you going to say anything?" He asked and his voice cut through me like the sharpest knife. He wasn't going to take any prisoners and the thought of that scared me. I had only ever seen him this angry once in my life and that was at a house party that I had kissed another guy at when we were first starting to get together.

" _What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He spat and I pulled myself up off the ground and stumbled over to him._

 _"Dimitri, it was nothing I promise" I was crying, throwing myself over my own words and pounding his chest with my fists to try and get him to see sense. I was a drunken mess and I had realised at that point how much better Dimitri could do and I had been scared that he had realised it too._

 _"Get the fuck off me" He grunted, grabbing my hands and throwing them back towards me with a force I don't think he had realised was so strong. It hadn't helped that I was already feeling like I was walking on water. He turned away from me as I fell straight onto my knees, skinning them and my hands as I tried to stop myself. I saw his back stiffen and I could tell he was torn between walking away and helping me._

 _With an annoyed sigh, he turned back around and dropped to the ground to sit next to me. He took my scratched hands in his big, warm ones and looked me straight in the eye. The fury was still there, but it was being taken over by something else._

" _You're a stupid bitch, but I love you anyway" and that was when he kissed me for the very first time and I felt my heart burst with happiness. I hadn't known it was possible to feel so high, yet he brought it out in me._

I had the strongest feeling that this conversation wasn't going to end up like that one had. He shrugged his shoulders in an effort to make me talk and all I could wheeze out was a pitiful 'no'.

His shoulder slumped and he turned back to face his computer and I knew I had lost my chance to even salvage anything from this.

"You're such a child sometimes, Rose" He went out and I could tell there was heading into a fight and I was ready for it. I wanted him to provoke me. I wanted to say all the horrible things that had been boiling up inside of me. "And you wonder why we had to breakup."

I snapped.

Turning round in my chair, I shoved him hard in the shoulder to get his attention and glared hard at him.

"Don't you think _that_ was a bit below the belt there?" I hissed "And for the record, we didn't have to break up. You made that decision all on your own. I'm sorry if I wasn't satisfying you anymore and you needed someone new to please you." The second those last words came out of my mouth; I wanted to snatch them back up and apologise. Dimitri was never the kind of guy to cheat.

"Cheating's more your thing, let's be honest" He scoffed and I was back to hating him again. I was done. He was unreasonable and all this conversation was doing was irritating the hell out of me.

"Go fuck yourself, Dimitri" I growled as I pushed my chair in and made to stride out of the library with all the drama I could muster, but I was stopped by his hand flashing out and grabbing my wrist. He pulled me down so I was level with him and all I could see was ferocity.

"Get over me" He ordered and I immediately felt tiny in comparison. He knew for a fact I was still in love with him. "It's not happening again. We're not in love, we're never going to make love this is one sided." And he stormed out of the library leaving me to stand there by the computers feeling completely gobsmacked. I had never seen a side to Dimitri that had been so cold and hostile and at this point I didn't believe that it was just about me. Something had happened.

"Well, that was intense" A voice sighed from behind me and I turned to see Adrian Ivashkov stood directly where Dimitri had been sitting with a smirk marring that face of his. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. He was known throughout the school for his pretentious ways and it was difficult to find someone who actually liked him.

"Not now, Ivashkov" I sighed, thumping back down into my seat only to be copied by Adrian. I couldn't be bothered to humour him today. It was like having a child in the room. He asked too many questions, he was demanding, he'd fiddle with everything around him until you were literally biting your tongue to keep yourself from screaming at him.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked, placing what was meant to look like a comforting hand on my shoulder. My eyes were drawn to and I could feel my own face scrunching up in confusion and minor disgust before I looked straight into his eyes.

"To you? Not likely" He simply smiled as though my words caused him genuine happiness and I found I couldn't walk away from the situation until I had won. "Why are you even talking to me? You're giving me the creeps."

"You know he'd be ridiculously easy to get back in to bed, right?" Adrian laughed and my jaw dropped for the second time today. I doubted this strongly. He clearly wanted nothing more to do with me and sex had never really been a weapon to use against Dimitri. Yeah, it was amazing and all, but he was more interested in other things, sex didn't drive him like it did other teenage boys.

"You have no idea what you're talking about" I scoffed, although I was intrigued to hear more. I wanted to hear someone else tell me about how much Dimitri wanted me and I didn't care if that other person was Adrian Ivashkov or not.

"Oh, I really do" He laughed once more. "Guys are easy. Even the ones who are as mysterious as your boy, Belikov. If you flirt with him just enough, but make yourself look like you're someone else's, he'll be begging to have you back in his bed. The relationship stuff will follow suit."

His point did make sense and I found myself pondering it before he placed his 'comforting' hand on my shoulder once more and then this entire conversation clicked in my head.

"Why does this sound like one of your stupid plans to fuck me?" I asked with raised eyebrows and he simply raised his hands in a mock surrender.

"Hey, you came up with that idea all by yourself" He blamed, but his grin suggested otherwise. "Now, if that's what you want, I'd be more than happy to oblige and aid this good cause of the return of the power couple."

"Adrian?"

"Mm?"

"Fuck off."

He simply chuckled, standing up and swinging his bag over his shoulder before dropping a peck on my cheek that I hadn't expected.

"Just think about it, Rose" He mumbled "do you want Dimitri back?" And with that said, he sauntered out of the library and I had never hated anyone more.

I leaned back in my seat, trying to take in the events of this day and found I was unable to calm my beating heart that felt as though it was about pound out of my chest. This was so much more difficult than I thought it would have been.

"Rose, can I have a word?" A voice of authority sounded and I swear I could have screamed right there and then. Was there ever a moment of peace to be had in this place? I turned to see Ms Karp sitting at the computer next to me and she had a look of such concern on her face that I began to wonder who must have died.

"What?" I knew my attitude wasn't fair, but I just wanted her to leave. I was tired and I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts.

"Your biology result wasn't exactly what we had hoped it would be last year as you already know" She began and memories flashed of me opening my exam results during the summer and seeing the D glaring up at me from the paper. Yeah, I sucked at biology, yet here I was doing the same subject again this year.

"Where are you going with this?" I asked as my brows knotted together. Why was she treating this as though she was telling me I had cancer?

"Well, I was thinking that it might be best to look into getting you a tutor if you would like?" She questioned, yet I knew I had no say in this. She would ask me if I wanted it, but if I said no she would go on and on until I agreed in the end.

"Okay sure" I agreed and she broke out into a smile that was contagious.

"Brilliant, well I've asked Dimitri if he'd tutor you and he agreed so you two are meeting in my classroom before school tomorrow to discuss meeting times" She said and I felt my smile drop immediately. "Anyway, I have a class to teach, so I'm going to have to run. Don't be late tomorrow!"

I took a moment, staring at the blank computer as I thought about how horrendous tomorrow would be. Dimitri had told me to get over him, he completely embarrassed me and now I was going to have to have one to one tutoring with him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

 **Hope you all enjoy this chapter guys! Please feel free to drop off a review and let me know what you think about it, it's much appreciated!**


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